Log in

No account? Create an account
mostly recovered on most days - You Are A Goddess [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

mostly recovered on most days [Jul. 21st, 2008|11:09 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery


I dealt with an eating disorder more than ten years ago and worked really hard to get over it and recover. I also had drug and alcohol addiction problems for several years. Now I have chronic health problems and food allergies. I've been doing really well mostly. Every now and then those thoughts come up again. I observe them and let them pass through my mind and try not to hold on to them. I really have to watch myself to make sure that I don't get obsessed with food or weight, and make sure that I don't lose weight. I still go to bed hungry sometimes, but I really try to not let that happen anymore. My sense of hunger and satiety is so totally FUBAR.

It gets really difficult because it seems like everyone I know is trying to lose weight. It seems like everyone is either perpetually dieting or fat positive to a degree that is unaccepting of thinner women's shapes. It's really difficult to hear these things. Not only is it difficult to hear about dieting all the time, but then I feel guilty because I am thinner than them. I want to support my friends in making healthy choices, but this obsession with numbers and sizes is so difficult for me to witness. A lot of my weight issues come from my mother, who was incredibly obese and taught me to diet too well. When I was at my lightest she was very proud of me being skinny. The neighbors were suggesting that I might be too thin, but she wouldn't hear it. The image of a full figured, fat, round Mother Goddess is just too much for me at this point. I hope this is a good place to talk about these things. I wish women would understand that being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be. I want it to be ok to be the size that I am, and not feel weird or guilty or envied.

[User Picture]From: azhure
2008-07-22 12:14 pm (UTC)
^^^ I could have written most of that myself.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: quicksilver555
2008-07-22 08:47 pm (UTC)
goodness,I agree with every single word here.Ive dealt with this since I was 8,there isnt anything about it that will shock me..and yes this is the perfect place to talk about it.

I added you to my friends' list as I think we have something in common,I myself have often humourously described myself as the "anorexic,epileptic,junky".people think Im being down on myself,not at all!it just is the truth,Im not ashamed and you shouldnt ever be either!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kalakumari
2008-07-22 08:57 pm (UTC)
hey good to meet you! I added you back.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)