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The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

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Helpful resources for recovery [Feb. 27th, 2011|12:45 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

I'm not a member of MentorConnect, but I like listening to their teleclasses. You can sign up for free and listen live or download them later. The topics are all focused on recovery from ED. http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/teleseries/
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wheight falling due to severe depression [May. 8th, 2010|11:18 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[mood |draineddrained]

i dont want to eat,i am almost in the 90's and i have no appatite due to depression,i just dont want food and i know its unhalthy but then there's the voice-you wheigh 102 at 5ft5 and are fat fat fat!get down to 95!im part concerned,drinking my ensue and trying a little because i know im thin but then the flipside,never thin enough!well,i wan to be thin enough!I want to like myself at 102 or even at 110!(my natural wheight)I doubt i could ever b comfortable at 125,which is what the doctor says i should be bu ive never been over 120 and that was horrible!

anyway,enough of this,i was help but am afraid to get it,afriad of telling my phychitrist ive been anorexic since age 8 and now im 29.i have osteoporosis and my teeth are falling out,starvation isnt pretty

i prayd so hard at church today,SO DAM HARD that god would grant me strength to beat all this but my major depression has been the worst of it all lately!I am trying to turn to my spirituality and look wihin for answers but i am spiritualy bankrupt.I need a shoulder to cry on so i can stop feeling sorry for myself,this is just so hard and i need this group right now even though i havnt posted in so dam long,i need you all.i ned help,support,the whole 9 yards!any words of comfort will do,any advice..please,i am desperate!

god bless you all
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(no subject) [Nov. 11th, 2009|01:34 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

thank you.. thank you.. THANK YOU for being here. thank you for having a community like this exist.

i started to lose my hair as a result of the medications the doctors had put me on for my ED/depression/anxiety. i immediately stopped taking them (because who wants to be fat AND bald!?) and am now searching for holistic treatment. i recently started going to a christian-based support group and i hope it begins my healing.

once again thank you for being on lj. <3333
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would appreciate your help [Nov. 10th, 2009|12:03 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery
 I am a student researcher in the Meston Lab and wondering if any of you can help me with research in improving the lives of women. please see the flyer below. 

Have you just started taking an antidepressant, or an anti-anxiety drug (within the last two weeks)?


Are you experiencing some problems in your sex life?


If you have started taking an SSRI (see list below for what is an SSRI) within the last two weeks, are having problems in your sex life, are over 18 and currently involved in a sexually active relationship, you qualify for our research study. We are looking at sexual functioning in people taking SSRIs. If you participate, you will be asked to read some information and fill out three surveys about your sexual functioning online on a secure, confidential website.

The study offers you an opportunity to receive information about your anti-depressant/ anti-anxiety medication as well as a chance to win a cash prize of $50. This study can be done online, at your own convenience in your own home.

For more information, please follow this link to the study website:


(Please note: if you participate, you will be asked to create a login for the survey website that consists of your email address. This information will be for your own use and will not be used to identify you or link you to your responses in any way).




SSRIs include:

citalopram (Celexa, Cipramil, Emocal, Sepram, Seropram)

escitalopram oxalate (Lexapro, Cipralex, Esertia)

fluoxetine (Prozac, Fontex, Seromex, Seronil, Sarafem, Fluctin (EUR))

fluvoxamine maleate (Luvox, Faverin)

paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat, Aropax, Deroxat, Paroxat)

sertraline (Zoloft, Lustral, Serlain)

dapoxetine (no known trade name)


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frusterated with nobody to talk to [Sep. 30th, 2009|04:43 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[mood |morbidly obease]

my first starvation diet was in 1988-I was 8 yrs old,it has only gone downhill.

currently I am 5ft5 and 110lbs,I see a whale in the mirror or maybe a walrus!I cant stand this anymore,stuck in this thinking process.I see my reflection on every store front,mirror,car window ext..and they all look like circus mirrors,there I am in my size 1 jeans shaking my head at the reflection,pointing my finger,yelling at her-"you fat ugly worthless nobody!"

I want to loose up to 20lbs.why cant I get rid of this 2 decade obsession?

I know I am ill.on top of this I have schizophrenia and epilepsy.go me,right?(sarchasm)
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hunger and clothes [Dec. 3rd, 2008|05:54 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

My sense of hunger is so totally off. I guess I unlearned how to feel hunger, and apparently this is common with eating disorders. I still get confused and will not realize that I'm hungry until my blood sugar drops and I'm dizzy and ill. I'm not entirely sure how to get my hunger back, so for now I'm eating small amounts of food to see if that triggers enough hunger to justify eating a whole meal. It seems to be working. Having a handful of nuts or a pita with hummus or a piece of fruit seems to be enough to stimulate my hunger. I've also been going to acupuncture for loss of appetite, and the herbs they gave me seem to be helping.

I bought a pair of pants yesterday and it was a totally surreal experience. I guess my body image is still pretty distorted because I have such a hard time figuring out if things fit right. It's a good thing that spandex is in style because I know that fits right. I needed some nice modest pants for work that weren't too tight, showing off my ass. I had no clue what size I might wear so I grabbed one size larger than I thought I would need. That didn't fit, so I just grabbed a size smaller and bought it because I didn't have time to try stuff on again. They fit fine around my waist, and they're not baggy. I just keep telling myself that because I think I look funny in them. My weight still fluxuates so I have a bunch of pants that don't fit properly, and that's the look that I'm used to.

These little things make all the difference.
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why must food be so complicated? [Oct. 14th, 2008|05:43 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

For the past seven years I've been avoiding dairy and wheat/flour/gluten because they were making me very very ill. I thought for sure I had celiac sprue, but I had never tested positive for it. These dietary restrictions made it really difficult to eat out at restaurants or or eat in social situations. I couldn't eat the common foods that everyone else was eating. I couldn't share food with people. It caused me so much trouble, pain, sadness, anxiety, etc. I thought it was some cruel fate to have to deal with such a restricted diet after having an eating disorder. I learned to cook for myself and I ate really healthy whole foods, but I still felt like food was controlling me. Now I don't know what to think, since it seems that I can eat flour, wheat and gluten again. I'm still very lactose intolerant and I'm choosing to be vegan, but at least I can have a sandwich. I think. I'm really confused about what to eat. I'm still staying mostly gluten-free because i don't really know what's going on with my body. I'm starting to feel like I'm normal again and can eat with people. Last night I went to bed feeling so happy about food and eating and health in general. I mean I really felt good. Joyous even.

Then I had a nightmare about butter. I was at the house I grew up in, getting ready to go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house. My parents were fighting loudly as they usually did on holidays. All of a sudden I realized that I needed to check on the food to see if there was anything for me to eat. My mother was cooking potatoes in butter. She had put butter on everything and all the food at my aunt's house had butter on it too. She got angry at me for wanting her to not use butter and for refusing to eat the food. I got angry because I previously told her I was lactose intolerant and I refused to go to Thanksgiving with them. I have, unfortunately, had to decline social invitations because of my food allergies, and it really hurt to be specifically excluded from a family event. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the only days that my family ever had real butter, so holidays specifically have butter in my memories. Some disembodied voice started yelling at me about how nobody was ever going to accommodate me, and I very lucidly thought about the friends I have Thanksgiving with out here in California that make the potatoes vegan. It really hurt to be disregarded by my family and it was a very painful reminder that I'm still not normal and I don't fit in at a very basic level. I know my friends really work to make sure I'm included at gatherings with food, but my family used food as a weapon against me ever since I went vegetarian at 15. Food should not be a weapon. Food should not make me feel disabled or socially isolated. It's such a struggle for me. Food shouldn't be this complicated.
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other people's issues, food as a sensual experience [Sep. 9th, 2008|01:51 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

I talked with my dear best friend about her obsession with dieting. I've been telling her that she's just fine the way she is and that with her frame she's never going to be a size 6. She actually initiated the conversation, saying that she finally realized what she had been doing and was going to stop the dieting obsession. I told her that it was always really difficult to hear her talk about these things because of my eating disorder history, and she understood and thanked me for finally telling her. She's still a bit wonky about eating and weight and size, but aren't we all!

I recently had a chance to examine some of my eating habits. I haven't been eating much and I've been coming home hungry and eating a handful of chocolate chips instead of real food. I realized that I crave sugar because I'm not getting enough protein, so I need to have protein instead of chocolate. I also realized that part of the reason why I haven't been eating much is because the foods I have don't really appeal to me. I've been keeping a tight grocery budget until I work out some money issues I'm having, so I just have odd random food ingredients in the house. I'm short on spices and flavorful things. Lots of plain beans and rice. I need to put my grocery budget at a higher priority so that I can allow myself to spend money on food that is going to be appealing. Making food a sensual experience sounds like a very good thing. Even something as simple as adding fresh salsa to my beans and rice is going to make a huge difference I think.
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Things are here [Jul. 22nd, 2008|04:58 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

hello all.I have not posted here more than once since I felt I havnt had anything wonderfull and insightfull to say,even though I still dont realy,maybe you'll relate to this one....

I have never considered getting treated for anorexia.I do not feel I can recover because I dont want to.i like it too much.I love to be thin,to me it is a way of keeping people(men mainly)out.how can they look at me as a sexual object if I do not have obvious sexual characteristics.sexual abuse?Of course I suffered that...by almost every man I have been with/around.from catcalls,to harassment at work to downright awful things that I consider torture,I went many years and for once a 5 yr stretch without sex.

I intend to do this for the rest of my life.Intamacy is one thing.I can cuddle with somebody or be affectionate with a woman,but the thought of penetration disgusts me.when I think of a penis I think of pregnancy,pain and STD's

I NEVER want any of those!..Ive expirianced pain and that is enough.Ive seen so many disasters happen to people who engage in what is supposed to be a natural act.all I see is some guy trying to controll me,use me,abuse me.I have seldom tried to date,and so far,all but one man has turned out to be terrible.

sorry guys,if any of you are here,but 9 out of 10 of you suck..maybe your that 10th guy,they are out there,but sadly,men have traumatized me so badly that I cannot trust them,women too,but not nearly as much because they know the pain of which I speak.

I am a sexual anorexic.maybe your not,but I am.maybe some think that's sad,but I live happy without the drama

I have lost 5 lbs,down to 105 and I intend to go as far as possible  

I know I will never recover from the abuse ive been forced to suffer,thease people gained my trust and then shattered it,then I would ALWAYS leave!the guilt is overwhelming,the fact that I allowed somebody to do this to me!I cannot ever get over it.\

I love being thin,not just for asthetics but because of the way it feels and because it will repell THEM,they wont look at me with lust and think disrespectfull thoughts.

I know someone has been there before.
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mostly recovered on most days [Jul. 21st, 2008|11:09 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

I dealt with an eating disorder more than ten years ago and worked really hard to get over it and recover. I also had drug and alcohol addiction problems for several years. Now I have chronic health problems and food allergies. I've been doing really well mostly. Every now and then those thoughts come up again. I observe them and let them pass through my mind and try not to hold on to them. I really have to watch myself to make sure that I don't get obsessed with food or weight, and make sure that I don't lose weight. I still go to bed hungry sometimes, but I really try to not let that happen anymore. My sense of hunger and satiety is so totally FUBAR.

It gets really difficult because it seems like everyone I know is trying to lose weight. It seems like everyone is either perpetually dieting or fat positive to a degree that is unaccepting of thinner women's shapes. It's really difficult to hear these things. Not only is it difficult to hear about dieting all the time, but then I feel guilty because I am thinner than them. I want to support my friends in making healthy choices, but this obsession with numbers and sizes is so difficult for me to witness. A lot of my weight issues come from my mother, who was incredibly obese and taught me to diet too well. When I was at my lightest she was very proud of me being skinny. The neighbors were suggesting that I might be too thin, but she wouldn't hear it. The image of a full figured, fat, round Mother Goddess is just too much for me at this point. I hope this is a good place to talk about these things. I wish women would understand that being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be. I want it to be ok to be the size that I am, and not feel weird or guilty or envied.
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