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The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

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A very small, quiet vent [Jul. 5th, 2008|08:02 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]

It's been a while since I posted an entry in my own community... I've been reading everyone else's posts, hoping this place acts as a great sanctuary, but I really haven't been talking about the stuff that's been bothering me. *wry grin*

I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with, and I now must take into account the chronic pain and fatigue that accompanies fibromyalgia. It's unbelievably frustrating: Wanting to exercise for hours, but being too tired or in too much pain. I've done basic yoga and basic Pilates, I've walked for thirty minutes up and down my neighborhood, I've done standard floor exercises.

Today probably is not the best time to rant, as I'm PMSing. I feel fantastically bloated; my abdomen looks swollen. More than anything else, this badly disturbs me. I've always had serious issues with my midsection; a near obsession with wanting to maintain a small waistline and well-muscled (what they call flat) belly.

I don't look in the mirror and think, "You're fat." I know I'm slender and curvy. What I think is, "You really need to tone up. You have flab and unwanted fat weight. You need to fight past the pain and the fatigue. You need to firm up. You will feel better with more muscle tone and less fat."

And I forget that curves actually include roundess and softness, you know?

Just one year ago, I had amazing muscle tone all over, and I didn't have fibromyalgia.

I think I'm done venting for now.

*offers hugs and comfort to all members*
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lisianthia's fairy [Jun. 20th, 2008|05:00 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

and the message:

"fly, heartshine, fly
you are the nightingale
immersed in night's song
behold you own beauty

hee! love, and protection, surrounding goodwill (how I translate their we love you! mark)

your fairy godmother"

(a gentle touch on the shoulder for anyone who crosses upon these - I am totally open to drawing anyone's fairies who wishes them. I can draw them for those who have passed, pets, children, anyone not present, anyone! This energy knows no bounds for it is the energy of the universe, and I am always -delighted- to share it)
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healing_journey's fairy [Jun. 20th, 2008|06:41 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

and the message:

"kind eyes!
hearing the angels calling you
you are a great one, dear star child
thank you for being here
you are great

love you!!! (how I translate their OMG we love you mark)

your kindred spirit"

(I will draw people's fairies for anyone who asks - it is an honor and a privilege to be a part of this amazing gift that I have. Please, if you are interested and open to it, feel free to ask. I'd so love to be a conduit for the this energy for you!)
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solange's fairy [Jun. 20th, 2008|06:27 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

and the message:

"hear the starlight in your eyes
you are a beautifully radiant child of the universe
be not afraid of those around you
you are a glimmering fae child
our hands are upon you

hee, love, and laughter (how I translate their "beautiful love signature")

the fairy unicorn"
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laetisia's fairy [Jun. 19th, 2008|10:44 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

and the message:

"You are welcome wherever your heart leads you to
let your heart be your gentle guide
it steers with sure hands
to where you most desire
fear not the location
revel in the journey

ee! (how I translate their "mark" - it's an energy dance more like)

your fairy self"

(I've mentioned drawing people's fairies before in this community, but I want to let you know that the offer still stands, and will continue to stand. I -love- being a conduit for this energy, so if you feel open to it, I'd be honored to draw yours for you.)
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2008|07:29 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[Current Location |Long Island]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Hi friends. I've been a member for a while, but I don't think I've ever posted.

I have been struggling hard for the past two months or so. My life is very chaotic and I have been turning to food once again, despite six months or so without ED symptoms. My boyfriend with whom I have lived for almost two years had a drug relapse a couple of weeks ago which exacerbated this; or, I should say, my difficulty coping with my emotional response exacerbated it. Now we are breaking up and he is moving out. Half of the time I do not want this despite knowing it is right, probably because I am terrified of the transition and huge change. I know in my heart that the healthiest thing would be for him to leave. He has hurt my too many times, and I don't think that he is committed to his recovery the way that I need him to be.

I am trying to stay focused on my feelings and bodily needs, but there are just moments that I slip back into unawareness and I swear I don't know what I'm doing. My situation is overwhelming me and I am afraid I cannot be consistently good to myself in this time of chaos. "How will I live alone, where will I go, what will I do at night when I come home from work, how will I afford to live on my own, how will I decide who to date, what if I need to say no?" are all more difficult questions than "what will I eat, when will I purge, how awful am I?" though the latter questions are just as able to consume my mind.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing my story. Despite all of this, I have come a very long way. And I must say that self awareness has been my greatest tool for recovery. I just need to continue to expand it.

Side note: has everyone read Eating in the Light of the Moon by Dr. Anita Johnston? Best recovery book ever, in my opinion. At first I thought that this community was based on the book, but I don't see it mentioned.
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New here [Jun. 18th, 2008|07:42 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[mood |awakeawake]

Hello all,just joined.I dont have alot of time for introduction,just can say this

have been anorexic since i was 8,I'm27
just been diagnosed with epilepsy 2 weeks ago..(possible link?will ask neurologist next time I see him)
opiate addict for 12 years

I have been and am still sometimes a mess

as far as what to do about it..
anorexia..no idea how to fix it
on keppra for epilepsy,worx great!
on methadone and getting therapy for pain pill addiction for the millonth time!well..maybe 3rd!

I will write some more here next time as I have got to run off.
glad to be here!

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Combating Anoxeria and the quest for a healthy body. [Jun. 1st, 2008|02:24 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery

[mood |curiouscurious]

I've been struggling with overcoming anorexia for the past 3 years. My weight has bounced back and forth. I've realized after starving myself for weeks on end up that I've slipped back into that old routine. I've discovered new ways of tricking my body into thinking it's full, I've obsessed over working out.

Now it's year 3. I've been unemployed since early 2007. I've also traveled across the country during 2007. It was an eye opening experience and I don't regret it one bit. Problem is, due to being broke and being in areas where the food is very unhealthy (I come from Los Angeles where you have anything you want at your finger tips including some wonderfully healthy stuff), I packed on the pounds to the point where I need to focus in on weight loss.

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telepathic bond with horses! [May. 16th, 2008|09:12 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery
I'm feeling energy quiver in my toes. I'm feeling it race through me. I feel spirals and tendrils of it slipping out my hair, curling around my ears, buzzing around my eyes and pouring out of my fingertips. I want to speak, and when I do, there will be magic. Blue magic, which swirls and stirs in the air. I'm feeling energy, magic, myself-ness curling, shivering, quivering, being in the air, in myself, I am electric.

Where does this electricity come from? I am a horse person. Oh so much. Let me tell you, my friends, I went to this equine (horse) workshop which was absolutely right for me. Totally right and natural for me.

Why was it so right? Because the second, or nearly thereafter, that I stepped out the porch door to go have experience #1, being with the horses (no touching or talking), I felt an IMMEDIATE psychic/telepathic link with one Arabian, Justice. OMG, you guys, I heard ze ask me, "Don't you want to come closer?" I wasn't shaken by this, but rather was like, "oh wow!" And as I drew closer, a few steps at a time (holy shit guys, a horse is talking to me, and I'm hearing it crystal clear like it's the most natural thing in the world and I've been able to do it all my life and just now "realized" it), I began to be hit by giggles. Pure, pure joy just running, racing, turning cartwheels within me.

It was AMAZING, holy fuck, seriously. I've never experienced such utter, pure joy MINDFULLY, as in all in my head but definitely in my body and racing everywhere else (there was no other person in my head, just this connection), with a four legged being. Well, I have with a cat before, actually, but not this words-connection. I think it had to be words to get my attention or something like that, but after that, words weren't needed. It was all this telepathic joy-bond.

So anyway, after that happened, we had this body scan meditation where I felt, "well I certainly don't need this so I'll do my own thing." I was tempted to move away from the group, but something kept me there, a herd mentality or something like that, and I began writing stuff, really important stuff that made total sense to me and filled me with a sense of empowerment. I was silent, no disturbing the other humming beings.

Then, OMGOMGOMGOMG the SECOND exercise was called "give and take" where you get to choose the horse (though in I think all three cases (two other participants, other than me) the horse chose us) and you're in the paddock with them and you walk until they give notice, and eventually they come to you or not. And coming to you is a powerful experience, like giving them the full reins in the relationship, acknowledging the authentic self that is a free spirit, deserving of all the room and space it needs.

Not coming can be just as powerful, as one participant found out - ze found out, after talking with the group leaders in some degree of frustration, that the horse was suffering a respiratory illness and so wasn't feeling well. I know I wouldn't reach out to someone, if I were ill, but might wait for them to, or not, if I didn't feel like I wanted contact - and so ze went back to the horse and began to pet it, which was a huge release for me energetically and emotionally since I'd been watching this interaction and did in fact know what this horse wanted.

Mine though.. I went first, and omg, it was.. wow. I knew that the Arabian who had chosen me would come to me, it was only a matter of time. Ze played around, rolling in the dirt (to which I laughed aloud as it was FUNNY, and I felt the joy of it from zir), eating some grass, trying to engage me. But I wouldn't have any of it.

Instead I simply watched and waited as ze finally came to me, and oh. my. god/dess. it was like shaking hands with myself, with this shining being who had finally decided to just stop playing and be real. Ze was like a puppy in my hands, and we nuzzled and it was just amazing.

I really felt totally at peace there, totally myself, able to move around, and I let the connection play out as long as it would, then left it feeling joyful.

I still hear zir voice in my head, as a guide.

I'm amazed. Absolutely amazed. And yet, it feels right, and totally natural that I would have that sort of connection. Just wow.



cross posted to my own journal, to isistemple, and spiritsisters
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Fairy drawing [May. 12th, 2008|01:00 am]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery
Hi! My name is Aurilion and I'd really love to share some fascinating stuff that's been going on lately for me. I'm 22 and have been drawing fairies for friends and others for a good week or two now, and it's so energizing and filling that (and the fairies want me to keep going!) I wanted to reach out to this community and to see if anyone was interested or open to me drawing their fairies.

My journal is mostly public, and this post may help to answer some questions.

More recently, if you'd like to see the one that I just drew of myself, tonight, here's that entry.

The one in between those describes more about how fairy drawing makes me feel, as it is one of the most wonderfully fulfilling processes I've ever been/felt called to do.

I'd really love to draw your fairy, as I consider it an honor and a joy to be a part of someone's life like that. I draw them, then take a picture to send to you.

You can comment on either entry, on this one, wherever! I'm continually drawing them, so I'd love to have more inspiration. Thank you!
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