|mostly recovered on most days
||[Jul. 21st, 2008|11:09 pm]
The Spiritual Side of ED Recovery
I dealt with an eating disorder more than ten years ago and worked really hard to get over it and recover. I also had drug and alcohol addiction problems for several years. Now I have chronic health problems and food allergies. I've been doing really well mostly. Every now and then those thoughts come up again. I observe them and let them pass through my mind and try not to hold on to them. I really have to watch myself to make sure that I don't get obsessed with food or weight, and make sure that I don't lose weight. I still go to bed hungry sometimes, but I really try to not let that happen anymore. My sense of hunger and satiety is so totally FUBAR. |
It gets really difficult because it seems like everyone I know is trying to lose weight. It seems like everyone is either perpetually dieting or fat positive to a degree that is unaccepting of thinner women's shapes. It's really difficult to hear these things. Not only is it difficult to hear about dieting all the time, but then I feel guilty because I am thinner than them. I want to support my friends in making healthy choices, but this obsession with numbers and sizes is so difficult for me to witness. A lot of my weight issues come from my mother, who was incredibly obese and taught me to diet too well. When I was at my lightest she was very proud of me being skinny. The neighbors were suggesting that I might be too thin, but she wouldn't hear it. The image of a full figured, fat, round Mother Goddess is just too much for me at this point. I hope this is a good place to talk about these things. I wish women would understand that being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be. I want it to be ok to be the size that I am, and not feel weird or guilty or envied.